How much do you love me?

On the wall by my desk is a quote from Michael Hyatt:

“People lose their way because they lose their why. One of the most important aspects of achieving the goals you set is to get deeply connected with your motivations for each one.”

 I really like this quote. (emphasis mine, and no, I didn’t link to Mr. Hyatt’s website or whatever because I’m writing this in a hurry today. please forgive me this once.)

So, I’ve had many good and valid reasons for not writing lately. A stressful, three-week long visit from an exhausted, stressed-out daughter with her two darling little (and I mean little, as in 6 months old and two yrs old) grandsons in tow–PLUS her two dogs, one who is a sneak-biter and the other who loves to attack OUR dog. Aaaaaah.

How I love them all! Except her dogs. Not the dogs, and I am a dog-lover.


My Callie: Barker, not biter.

How my beloved visiting family, and another one who still lives with us in addition to all of that, do exhaust me and destroy my home, my peace, my creative drive along with it! Like a hole in a spaceship’s hull, my drive was sucked–whooosh!!–right out of me. Aaaaaah with an extra AAAAH. 

Oooh, the hole in the spaceship reminds me of my book…

With it, my exercise “schedule” (a loosey-goosey term anyway) was gone. The healthy, normal way we eat, my husband and I, went down the drain. In came Chipotle burritos, other fast food on the run, and eating out waaaay too much. Feeding little people is incredibly challenging and time-consuming, especially a toddler who seems to exist on cups of milk, and air alone. And keeping them “happy”as in “not breaking my eardrums with their screams.”

With that little additional stress, my physical pain level has skyrocketed, even with drinking the illustrious Limu Original (mentally insert trademark here ‘cos I’ve forgotten the darn keyboard shortcut for it) and staying active (meaning “endlessly exhausted chasing toddler and baby and trying to please adult children”).

And yet, I can sit in my chair or bed for an hour or so and play games on my tablet. And I can sit for an hour or so at my desk and read, google stuff, or post on facebook or email. And sometimes work on photos (I’m really behind on those also however). Hey, I’ve even written a few blog posts.

I believe all of this is called “procrastination.” Ya think? 

When I made a vow to write, and to finish this damn manuscript into something that could be called A NOVEL, I set goals of an approximate word count to tick-off every Monday. I’m so far behind on my word-count now, I don’t know what to do to catch up…and maybe move my finish-goal to July instead of June. Except for this overseas vacation we’re taking soon…to France. That kinda interferes with the goals, too. (no, not going to lug a laptop and try to write while there either. gawd no)

Aaaaaah. What is wrong with me?!

So last night, a question nagged at me: How much do I love this book I’m writing? THIS particular book?? I’ve been working on one form or another of it for almost TEN YEARS – with long/short breaks abounding at various times (including a two-year break from writing).

It seems a profound question. The ms (book) whispers to me (yes, books can whisper. just ask the two main POV characters of this current story who insist on speaking in 1PPresent when I’ve never written in that tense, ever…ugh)

How much do you love this story? Are you so tired of the process that the love is gone? 

Very good question. I am tired of it. I liked the initial concept, which started with what is now called Book 2 of the Trilogy. It took me about 120k words to figure that one out (duh. at least I did figure it though) At the end of that vast wc, I said “Oh! Now I know where they came from!”cropped-star-eyes-copy.jpg

Great. About time. But it’s looking like my mind/heart/soul want to finish Book 1 mainly so I can re-write the story in Book 2. And Book 3 has another great love story and plot line too…Tan and Kallista

Oooh I’m getting The Feels here. Just a little, but it’s something! 

And thus, Book 1 has to be told! It is like an entire Backstory Novel…but without those awful flashbacks. It is NOT a flashback story. (you can thank me for that later)

And you know what? One of the things I hate–so common in movies/storytelling now–is to tell the story via a flashback. Oh gawd, I hate it more as the years progress! It is, in my humble opinion, just lazy storytelling.

The opening scene…clearly something catastrophic and amazing has occurred…a man lays dying and gazes at the sky…or a woman sits at a desk writing or staring into space and we hear the thoughts… Once upon a time, I was a queen…or a man with a family…or whatever: you fill in the blanks.

JonSnow msfinished regret

What if this episode would have opened with THIS? And then the flashback…oh gawd no.

OH wait…the flashback will do that for you. UGH. Which is what I’m trying to do with this damn Trilogy. Wait. No, it isn’t. It is NOT A FLASHBACK. A flashback is a scene or two or three…or the whole stupid movie/book.


Anyway. Do I still LOVE this first book, which tells of where the V’s came from? 

Not as much as I did. Life is just, plain, stupidly wearing me down. The pain, the struggle, the demons on some days…are making writing SO hard. (wah. inserts thumb.)

Maybe Paris will help? I sure as heck hope so. I pray that the ferweh I’ve been feeling will be cured, at least for a bit of time, by experiencing France for ten days.

Meantime, this is short because I want to spend time with my WIP/ms/book and see IF I can fall in love with it again. Can I? Because, dammit, I don’t want to finish it after all these years and have it be stale. Flat. Overedited. Worst of all: lifeless. Pointless!! Yuck!!

Mr. Hyatt is right about goals, and it applies to lovers, too. You gotta spend time together to stay in love. Get deeply connected. Know that you do, and still can, enjoy your lover and remember just why it is you love them, what you love about them.

My lover is calling me still…and I am going. Because I think that I still love this book–enough to finish it. 

Now go and work on yours. I mean it…GO.  ( If you want to procrastinate just a little bit, check out my pinterest board for this, particular book. Maybe inspiration will hit you, too)



A great image. (I can’t credit it but to say I found it on this website. please don’t sue me)





Cue the nerdy-hot scientist.






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