Create Another Plan. Struggle. Repeat.

‘Sup?’

      My Darling Readers, whassup?

Are you writing? Creating stuff? Dreaming of creating stuff? Are you applying your passion for, er, your passion? Or are you seemingly, endlessly, STRUGGLING?

One of my passions used to be Writing. Yes, you read that right…used to be. Most of the writing I do these days seems to be on social media sites; brief blurbs I try to make relevant, pithy, funny, informative, or at times of the venting-mode that usually come off as very, very pathetic. (I often ‘delete’ those)

asl sign

Yay for an income.

Yet I  still think about writing, I think about my stories; the characters and plot-lines…NO. I can’t say that, these days. Those fictional worlds, for the most part, have been set aside for Other Endeavors–those of the teaching-Sign-Language-in-my-home kind.  And I gotta say, there’s something to be said for actually earning some money. Especially after years of trying to make a buck off my written words–and in the past four, off of my photography & handcrafted stuff.

mocking

Not really. Wah.

I’ve given up writing Fiction…and most kinds of writing. All of you True Writers & Authors may scorn and mock me now. Call me a Loser. A Quitter. Go ahead! I can take it!

Don’t get depressed; I’ll be fine.  I AM rather fine. You see, I’ve asked God over and over to help with this this writing-thing, restore my passion, help me with discipline or whatever. His answer? A lot of Quiet. In other words…nada. I have nooooo idea why, either.

So I’ve moved on. And please, don’t let this discourage YOU from the Pursuit of Happiness, er, Writing! However, if you’re looking for a cheerleader for your writing, it ain’t here at the moment. See…I’ve struggled…I’ve tried to “take up the pen” over and over again in the past FOUR FREAKING YEARS. My efforts have yielded a half-written first-draft of a Fantasy novel; that’s it. In FOUR FREAKING YEARS. So, why not be honest? I am a Giver-Upper as a Writer.

It’s kind of a shame, since I honestly thought my “calling” was to write, among other Creative Endeavors. Much time, many workshops, a number of conferences, pitch sessions to agents and editors, submitting my work to said agents & editors (and being rejected by all), publishing stuff online and for nonprofit groups, volunteering for writing nonprofits, talking blahblah endlessly about my works-in-progress, listening to other writers (some very weird and some fascinating), attending critique groups (my own and others’), online kvetching about writing, online research, buying books on swords, chocolate, the WPP, on Celtic lore–all to what end? I don’t the hell know…honestly, I don’t.

But…I am enjoying being a teacher again. Teaching a language that I love and have been learning in fits-and-starts since age 18, when a quirky choir-director asked me to learn ‘How Great Thou Art’ in ‘Sign Language.”

“But I don’t know Sign Language,” I said. He handed me a small red and white book titled ‘Talk to the Deaf.’ And said a guy in the choir had taken some Sign at college and could help me. And so it went…

So writing, be-damned. For now. Loser? At the writing game, perhaps. But 90% of my students in the first courses enrolled for the continuing ones.

Hey, it’s a win of some kind. And I haven’t quit yet. So that’s something, right?

Shame not on me. Or not on you, if you’re struggling too. Take it, run with it…do what you can. For now, it’s all right.its-okay

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