And an Empty Christmas to you, too

BWsketchy DecktreeFor me to write about this Christmas Season of 2014 is to invite more pain than I can bear, so I wrote a freaking POEM– and it may explain enough. I hope most of you found fun, joy and a measure of peace this year. Which was the polar-opposite of our family experience. Pity us not! I hear that there are far more unhappy families during the Holidays, than there are happy ones. It’s just that this really is a “new thing” for us – we usually have decent, if not idyllic, holidays. For you with the happy ones all the nauseating time, rally ’round the pole – dance and sing, you are truly blessed (fa-lalal-aaa?!)

In spite of it all, I still love the IDEA and MEANING of Christmas; but cautiously now, and from a distance, and with a very dimmed hope that I pray, in time, might be rekindled. This year taught us that cataclysmic changes require adjustments of the same magnitude: with traditions, with expectations. Other lessons, not sure of at the moment. As you read my poem, hear in your head the song Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, from the majestic Les Miserables.

Empty Christmas, Empty PlacesBokeh1

There’s a grief that can’t be written

There’s a pain goes on and on

Empty playroom, empty spaces

Of a Christmas all gone wrong…

Here we’d hoped for toddlers laughing

Here we’d lit the tree’s bright flames

Here we hoped for Love to warm us

But instead they brought their Blame…2014-12-25 22.10.22

Days ago it took a wrong turn

Did not have time to adjust

Extra chaos just confused us

Insults flew, a grandchild lost…Bokendaytime grn

And our one and only Gathering

Was success ‘til tempers frayed

Disbelieving and astonished

We saw hate build the barricade…

As their voices rose in warfare

Soon it broke all peace we’d had

And the family now fractured

Scattered wide, left us so sad…

Christmas Day was such a jumble

Only four of us to share

And the feast that was traditionWreathD

Was not eaten, not prepared…

Oh my family, please forgive nowregret

Oh my family, find a way

Life’s too short for all this hating

And the hours turns into days

There are gifts still-wrapped, un-given

Icy winter blows so strong

Our old hearts are fractured, emptied

From a Christmas all gone wrong.  

~ Bdyess2014

(Poetry inspired by ‘Empty Chairs and Empty Places’ from Les Miserables – lyrics by Andrew Lloyd Webber, all rights reserved)eddie lesmiz

I shall write out my pain, in the midst of my pain, in spite of and because of my pain. Here’s someone who said it better:

“…Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty – describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place….”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke  http://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poet/rainer-maria-rilke

As for next Xmas? We’ve considered closing up the house and going to the beach!! ???????????????????????????????

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2 thoughts on “And an Empty Christmas to you, too

  1. My heart breaks. We love you so much. This is not the way any family should endure a Christmas – especially a family I love. I believe in prayer; praying for the fractured to be healed.

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